Tag: confidence

Here Are 3 Relationship Building Skills You Need To Practice

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Business Cards Can Help Build Relationships

How Hard Do You Listen Before You Try To Be Of Service ?

Have you ever had someone give you a business card before they say anything to you?

There must be some psychological trigger at work. One where the card giver looks at you and thinks ‘That person has a professional appearance. I must introduce them to what I have to offer’

The card giver doesn’t know who you are – or what you might need – you are another person to whom they gave a business card at that event.

Without getting to know you they want you to know them and why their online marketing process (or whatever) represents a great opportunity for you.

Annoying isn’t it?

What Are The 3 Relationship Building Skills You Need?

I think a better approach to building a relationship involves listening. Then making time to establish rapport. From that mutual place of trust you can go forward. You might get to a point where the other person is deeply engaged with what you are saying.

Here are 3 skills at the heart of engaged relationships. Having these 3 elements in place makes it easier to say what you mean concerning your project / area of work / bright idea:

Empathy – How much time have you spent building your knowledge of the needs of the particular niche you want to service?

  • Who is in that niche?
  • What stresses are they under?
  • How does your ‘thing’ reduce those pressures?

Authenticity – Have you been a member of the niche you are focusing on?

  • What true ‘Before and After’ story can you tell to connect you to it?
  • How passionate are you about offering service to your niche?
  • What do you want people to feel when they first encounter your work?

Self-Awareness – How much effort do you want to make in building and maintaining these relationships?

  • What signals tell you that you are holding the other person’s attention?
  • How do you vary what you are doing to deepen your connection?
  • How do you feel if the other person says they are not interested?

There’s A Google Hangout You Might Want To Join

I am hosting a Google Hangout on 12 May looking into these issues – I hope you will want to join in. Follow the link if so.

https://plus.google.com/events/c67917issejfjbmbupmuv125nho

What Is Your Next Step?

Thanks for reading to the end. What step will you take today to build more productive relationships? Feel free to comment below – or Tweet @RogerD_Said – share this post with the people you know who would benefit from reading it.

5 Steps Towards Greater Success

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Looking And Acting Like A Winner Picture From Morguefile.Com

Looking And Acting Like A Winner Picture From Morguefile.Com

 

Thank you if you have been following my posts this year. If you have checked in recently you probably know already I led a workshop in January focused on turning goals into reality.

The session reminded me that if you get enough freelancers and 9 to 5 workers together their stories come tumbling out. Their feedback created a snapshot of the world of work in 2016.

Avoiding Overwhelm

They said one of the tougher challenges they faced involved taking the right action and avoiding overwhelm. They were talking about having too few hours each day and too many to do items to handle.

They knew something had to be done. The question was, what to do to get that winning feeling back?

Was starting a new project the answer? Could growing a new professional relationship be a solution? How about keeping going with what already worked?

What Does Success Feel Like?

To help the discussion focus I mentioned Brian Tracy’s principle of starting with the end in mind. Vividly capturing (in words or pictures) what success feels like helps you work out how to achieve it.

Does success involve you creating client-pleasing software which puts a big smile on your customer’s face by offering more results, faster than expected?

Or is your success measured by the strength of the hug you get when you prioritise finishing work in time to pick your partner up from the station?

Greater Success Ahead

Whatever success means for you there is scope for it to include a greater sense of wellbeing; more positive teamwork; a growing group of satisfied customers.

5 Routes To Greater Success 

  • Create Affirmations Using Words You Repeat to Inspire You
  • Construct A Vision Board Capturing Images Of The End Result You Want
  • Use A Favourite Piece Of Inspiring Theme Music To Get You Started On A Key Task
  • Enjoy The Smell Of Success By Using Your Favourite Aroma When Working
  • Treat Yourself To Your Favourite Healthy Beverage To Get Your Creativity Flowing

I will be sharing some more ideas about success ahead of my 5 March Reshaping Reality workshop*

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/reshape-your-reality-now-tickets-21388445416

Thanks for reading this post. Share a comment below about your success strategy. You can also use social media to let a friend have this information if you know it will help them.

How To Start Turning Your Resolutions Into Reality

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What Are You Going To Achieve Today?

What Are You Going To Achieve Today?

As January is nearly over I thought I would ask this question:

How are your New Year Resolutions holding up?

New Year New Start?

With 11 clear months ahead it is easy to promise to live healthier; improve skills; follow different career options; manage money better.

Just making that promise to yourself is very easy.

The reality is (once you have written your goal down) there is a lot of hard work to do something, every day, to move closer to you what you want to achieve.

Where Do You Start?

I think knowing ‘why’ you want to improve your life is essential. Clarity about your why means you can picture what part of your life to pay attention to first.

For example, do you want to feel confident that you are managing your money so your situation will be more secure in future? Then taking action now will start to shape your reality in years to come.

Why Self-Awareness Really Matters

I deliberately opened this post with that Steve Jobs quote. His wording is perfect. The evidence from a workshop I ran a couple of days ago is also spot on.

We each know best what we want from our lives. Our inner voice says it best. Listen to it. Then get your next steps to line up with your priorities.

So, here’s another question: which part of your life will you start improving today?

Want To Get Clarity About Your Priorities?

If you want to get some free support to figure your priorities out follow the link below. Click the blue download button and the ABC tool will be sent to the email address you have selected.

https://experienceyourlife.coachesconsole.com/

Don’t forget to feedback here to let me know how you get on, or to ask questions about tackling your 2016 goals.

 

4 Self Care Strategies Which Also Help Others Achieve Their #Goals

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You Need To Feel Good To Use These Resources Well

You Need To Feel Good To Use These Resources Well

If you are a coach, a team leader, or a motivator you are used to helping others tackle their goals. With the start of 2016 close by where are you on the scale which starts in Excitement and ends in Overwhelming Anxiety?

We can’t all be upbeat 24/7. Sometimes our inner critical voice interrupts our excitement. We are developing into a new area and then BAM! up comes a story from the past where things didn’t go as planned.

Your Stories Have Value

I have supported enough people engaged in professional development as coaches etc to have heard a lot of stories about 2015’s challenges. Building up knowledge, likability and trust is hard work.

To be fair you also hear a lot of optimism about the new opportunities coming in 2016 and how learning lessons from the past can help shape the future.

Self Care Comes First

From what I have heard (and experienced) it makes sense to have a healthy balance between the positive energy you share with others and the wisdom you tap into from your own stories.

Speaking at London’s Business Show recently Britain’s number 1 motivational speaker Brad Burton made a brilliant point about the balance between useful stories and achieving results for others.

Reflecting on his own efforts to get the balance right over the years he said

Your story starts now. Pay attention to caring for yourself, your family and your business.

Your business goal might be achieving good results in your 9 to 5; enjoying success in your part time startup gig; or organising a knockout Christmas social for 100 people. Either way having a healthy balance helps produce good results for others and a feeling of satisfaction for you.

Inspired by Brad here are 4 self care strategies to reduce overwhelm, which you can start using today.

  1. Pay attention to the quality of your contributions – family, colleagues and customers appreciate your efforts. If you over do it trying to be active all the time with everyone in your life the quality of what you achieve goes down.  
  2. Respect others’ boundaries and your own – if you have too much on your plate you can’t offer your best self to others. It is ok to set time when you won’t be available because those limits mean you can focus your time on your priorities.
  3. Care about your results within reason – while you recognise that some outcomes don’t call for 100% of your effort (because 80% will still produce good results).
  4. Decide how often you are going to review your needs – setting time to check in with yourself means you remain mindful of your own maintenance / development priorities. That helps you keep a fresh focus when you are supporting others’ development.

Want To Learn More?

Thanks for reading this far. If you have ideas about the value of self care please leave your comments below. Feel free to share the post if you have found it helpful.

If you are ready ready to start 2016 by making positive changes to your professional work which benefits others take a moment and follow this link https://experienceyourlife.coachesconsole.com/

There you will find a FREE tool you can download by clicking the blue button (in exchange for your contact details) which will help you focus your attention on your biggest priority issue. You will start making improvements from there, if you keep taking action.

If you would like to learn more about the support I offer to coaches, thought leaders, inspiring speakers and others please schedule a discovery conversation with me using the calendar function on the right of the page (where it says Click Here).

How To Take A Step Forward On #InternationalMensDay

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I had a really interesting conversation at a networking event earlier this week.

A woman guest and I were talking about the all the different ways it is possible to be of service and to ask for support so you can improve. Here’s a big generalisation that I brought to our discussion:

Women and men have different ideas about seeking support while they tackle their working day 

Plenty Of Men Aren’t Alpha Males

I went to a Boy’s school, so I grew up knowing a bit about bullying and that some guys held more of the cards than I did (and weren’t shy about pointing that out).

For every Alpha male out there you will find plenty of ordinary guys who are trying to do the best they can with what they have got.

Where many women will reach out and work effectively together to do more than ‘get by’, many men will try to go it alone, toughing it out in isolation, without showing any vulnerability.

Perhaps (at the extreme end of the scale) that is part of the reason why three times as many men take their own lives, as compared to women.

Men Can Take Action

Keeping calm and carrying on only highlights the distance some men maintain between their inner world and the effective support networks they can tap into. 

If there is truth in the men-go-it-alone generalisation then men will keep losing out. They would be better off making time to be thoughtful, working out how they need to grow and taking action to improve their situation. The alternative is spending more time working and less time:

  • paying attention to their inner growth goals
  • deciding where their boundaries lie, so they don’t end up shortchanging their family, friends and community
  • caring about the impact they have on the people they serve, including their clients, their colleagues and the wider community

Making A Difference

I hope that today (International Men’s Day) someone reading this post will decide to set themselves a goal and take an action which helps to improve their quality of life and benefit their community, team and family too.

Share this post with someone for whom it will make a difference today or tomorrow (and comment below if it resonates with you).

Finally, if you want FREE Downloadable information to start the improvement wheels turning for yourself, or a man in your life, please visit
https://experienceyourlife.coachesconsole.com/   

6 Ways To Help The Man In The Mirror

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Start Change With The Man In The Mirror - Picture From Jusben From Morguefile.com

Start Change With The Man In The Mirror – Picture From Jusben From Morguefile.com

True story.

One Thursday morning commuting on the train, I picked up a copy of Shortlist magazine left on the seat next to me. Flicking through the pages of the latest shiny, products I was expecting I got emotionally ambushed by Andrew Dickens’ deeply personal story about depression* (there’s a link below).

I couldn’t finish reading this unexpected article in public. It struck a chord. It was too emotional for a Men’s lifestyle magazine. 

Bottom line: I didn’t want to be upset in front of other people.

Men and boys face unbelievable pressure

Fast forward to now and according to the Standard newspaper almost half the men in London feel like crying once a month* (more than anywhere else in the country).

The emotional challenge isn’t a London thing. It is universal. There is just something challenging about being a 21st Century man.

The Movember Foundation understands that. The Foundation is a global charity committed to men living happier, healthier and longer lives. You might be aware of their November campaign to encourage men to grow mustaches for the cause.

Interviewed by The Standard their UK director Sarah Coghlan said

Men and boys face unbelievable pressure to live up an archaic stereotype of what it means to be a man, and in the process they neglect their own mental and physical health.

Release The Pressure

It is ok to feel what you are feeling.

In fact neglecting your health has bad consequences. I have coached guys who have been tearful with frustration about their lack of career progress, or lack of life purpose. Who wants to feel drained by the demands of their working day?

Paying attention to health related goals makes more sense. You gain confidence. You feel better. You start performing better. Your work improves. Everyone is happier.

The first step is taking stock of what is going on in your life.

6 Ways To Start Helping The Man In The Mirror

  • Ask yourself what is the source of the burden you are carrying
  • How does the burden disrupt your time at home and at work
  • List the worst-case consequences if you continue to do nothing about it
  • Write down all the results that could come your way if you take action
  • Decide who is the best person to talk to about tackling that goal (doctor, therapist, coach)
  • Get in touch with that person and start making your life better

Want To Start Changing The Way You Experience Work?

If you are ready to start improving your life you can click the link, leave your contact details and download a FREE report. It will help you pay attention to your self improvement goals and get you connected to someone who can help you move forward.  

https://experienceyourlife.coachesconsole.com/

References*

http://bit.ly/Shortlist_Andrew_Dickens_Depression_One_Mans_Struggle

http://bit.ly/The_Standard_Hannah_Al_Othman_Half_Of_London_Men_Feel_Like_Crying_Once_A_Month

 

How To Start Achieving More By Reducing Your Stress Now

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2 brown bears fighting

Stress Can Affect Anyone – Picture From Clarita From Morguefile.com

According to the dictionary Stress is defined as mental emotional strain or tension linked to adverse circumstances. It has roots in different situations (personal struggles, work changes, relationship breakdown, money worries…) and it can feel overwhelming.

Yesterday, 4 November, was National Stress Awareness Day.

Like many people I’ve experienced stress myself, that experience has been useful when coaching people to overcome the impossible stress factors affecting their life.  Whatever feels overwhelming today won’t feel that way in a month, or a year.

It always seems impossible. Until it is done.
Nelson Mandela

So here are 3 reasons to take action to combat stress (and 1 step to take today to help move you forward).

First – Unresolved Stress Will Eventually Make You Ill

People aren’t designed to perform under stress in the long term. The rush of adrenaline you get from a stressful situation is meant to give you what you need to get out of the situation (if you face sudden danger – like coming across a bear or two – the surge will give you strength to leap out of harm’s way).

Remaining in fight or flight mode for too long floods your body with stress-related chemicals, meaning you are stuck in alert mode.

You won’t get enough sleep if you can’t lower your stress levels. Your diet will be all over the place, if you are snacking rather than eating nourishing meals and exercising away some of the tension around your shoulders.

You could even end up adding to pressures which contribute to depression.

Second -Stress Has An Impact On Your Relationships With Colleagues

If you struggle on with your burden you will stop being a team player, your Major Stressor will be at the front of your mind all day.

Your skills in making effective plans and paying attention to issues like effective leadership or management will suffer. 

You will be tough to live with as well.

Third – Stress Affects Your Goal Of Satisfying Your Customers

Preoccupied and distracted? You will find it harder to meet deadlines and you might compromise quality expectations to simply get the job done.

Worse than that your anxiety levels will rise, leaving you feeling like there is no time to research better alternatives to get the job done.

Step 1 – Recognise  Your Stressor And Take Action To Move On

Don’t try to tough the situation out (especially if you are a guy and you think ignoring the problem will be enough to get you through. It won’t)

Pay attention to figuring out what has caused this feeling of overwhelm. What has changed to make your day unmanageable?

Is the change permanent? What would it take to set up boundaries around the issue and call on support to make the situation bearable?

If you don’t want to take action because of the impact on your colleagues and your customers do it for the sake of your own health.

A Free Resource To Help You Move On From Stress

If you want some help to get started tackling your issue I have created a free downloadable resource available via this link – just fill in your name and email address then press the blue button to download the content. Start working through the material and producing better results.

https://experienceyourlife.coachesconsole.com/

Which 4 Letter Word Keeps You Moving Forward?

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Sunset Framed By Hands

What Will Motivate You Tomorrow? – Picture From Unsplash.com From Mayur Gala

The biopic documenting the life of Apple Founder Steve Jobs will be on screens soon. There are plenty of lessons to take from his innovative approach to life. I like the ones which flow from the memorable commencement speech he gave at Stanford University 10 years ago. That speech included these lines:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I think there are a couple of key ideas in this section of the speech

  • Your inner voice reflects your history, so it is best to pay attention to what it says
  • If you set boundaries for yourself you tune out noisy and unhelpful opinions
  • Caring about your self and others helps you move forward toward your goals

There is an extra bit of pathos in those words, since Steve Jobs knew his time was limited. He was living with cancer as he spoke (he died in October 2011).

Which 4 Letter Word Is More Important For You?

Is it Need? (meaning your wisdom and inner voice tell you something is necessary)?

  • You are driven to take action because your bills need to be paid
  • You need a more senior role in your organisation

Is it Love? (your overwhelming interest and pleasure in something)?

  • Your achievements come from rising to a fresh challenge
  • You are happiest producing an outcome that exceeds expectations

Will Need Or Love Drive You Forward Next Year?

Sometimes we can get so busy with life we lose sight of our driving force.

As far as I can tell Steve Jobs was driven by his love of a challenge and a desire to innovate. What’s true for you?

The people I have coached enjoy reconnecting with their motivation to be happier in themselves as well as more productive team players. Handy attributes to have, especially during tough economic times, when they focus is producing more, quicker and with less resources.

So, which principle – need or love – will help you with your goals next year? Use the Reply space to share your thinking with this community.

Extra Help On Offer

Would you appreciate some extra help working out which of your priorities to pay attention to? Then there is a free download available via this link (just fill in your name and email details then hit the blue button on the left hand side of the page)

https://experienceyourlife.coachesconsole.com/

 

Are You OK Mate? 3 Ways In Which Receiving Support Lifts Your Mood

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Road Signs Showing Men Working

Men At Work From Morguefile.com

Here is a sobering statistic.

This year 75% of people in the UK taking their own life will be men.

That is 3 men for every 1 woman.

Strong And Silent

Generally men in mid-life say ‘Yes’ if you ask ‘Are you OK?’

It is best to be strong and silent. Man up. Keep working. Or get wasted. Or withdraw.

Tears are best kept for football. That’s a crying shame.

Those 40 somethings are the ones at greater risk.

Potential To Grow

I am lucky enough to have supported some men working through their personal development goals (and received support myself).

It seems obvious that men’s actual inner state can be weighing them down while outwardly there are no signs of distress.

Behind the facade there can be turmoil. Turmoil does not lead directly to self harm. It doesn’t help though.

Life is better with fewer obstacles to growth. It is hard to believe that you can grow if you don’t feel like you can exercise leadership in your own life.

What Could Men Learn From Women?

As a rule women will look for and find support. Women talk about their stuff, where guys will keep their hurt to themselves.

Maybe part of masculinity is being open to help?

Benefits Of Being Listened To

Today seems like a good day to start talking about the benefits of receiving help if you are carrying a heavy burden.

In my experience being listened to deeply can be an intense experience. It changes things. It is a big victory for some guys to take action on their goals.

Here Are 3 Ways Guys Initially Benefit From Support

They experience

  • caring help as they set priorities
  • more confidence as they tackle priorities and move past long standing blockages
  • fewer burdens and more happiness

After their confidence increases it becomes easier to keep moving forward. Doors keep opening once they practice their action-based skills.

Share This Information

Thanks for reading this post. Comment below if these ideas have struck a chord with you. Use Twitter @RogerD_Said if you perfer.

If you are sharing the post with your followers on Twitter you can use the hashtag #RUOK to be included in the wider conversation.

Finally, follow this link for more information on 10 September: World Suicide Prevention Day

 

http://www.samaritans.org/wspd

Does Your #SocialMediaPresence Deserve A Thumbs Up?

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How Well Does Your Use Of Social Media Connect You To Your Community? Picture From Gabor From Hungary From Morguefile.com

How Well Does Your Use Of Social Media Connect You To Your Community? Picture From Gabor From Hungary From Morguefile.com

You are not alone if you visit social media sites to get information to help you with a problem.

According to http://internetlivestats.com Google now processes over 40,000 search engine queries every second on average.

Imagine getting a thumbs up from someone in your community for posting something which precisely answers one of those queries and makes their problem go away.

If you make someone that happy they could potentially become one of your passionate customers.

How Does Your Content Solve Specific Problems?

Two weeks ago I spoke about tackling social media goals to an audience of startups and micro business people. One of the questions which came was how to create content which generates more engagement.

Audience members were frustrated having written an attention grabbing headline and great content, only to have no one comment on it.

Some entrepreneurs in the audience felt like giving up when their carefully written posts seemed to have no impact.

I thought there could be one missing element in those posts: a call to action.

What’s The Purpose Of Calling People To Action?

The audience and I talked about what kind of posts had impact and why.

We also discussed what could be done with less impactful posts to get people to engage.

We agreed that their social media content probably solved the problem which the questioner was facing.

What could be done to take that conversation further? Calling the audience to take action.

We recognised that content which stands out from the flood of posts calls the questioner to take action. Those posts invite people to engage with the content creator. The engagement benefits both the person with the enquiry and the content supplier.

Benefits Of Calling Your Community To Action

For the person with the problem it is useful to stay in touch with a reliable source of information. Who knows what further insight that source could offer in future?

For the supplier expanding their community has several benefits.

  • Their expert profile increases as more people come to know them.
  • They can experience word of mouth recommendation, as their audience likes what they do.
  • They can prove so trustworthy that people respond to their products, services or projects.      

3 Ways To Add Value With Your Social Media Presence

  • Deliver information which helps to resolve a problem for a specific community member
  • Keep your presentation as simple and straight-forward as possible
  • Prompt your reader to take an action by leaving their comment, sharing your post, hitting the Like button, or trusting you with their email address so you can offer them future service

Here’s How To Continue This Conversation

Thanks for reading this post. I hope it has got you thinking about your use of social media. What will you now do to better connect with your community?

I’ll be exploring these themes in more detail in a workshop on 12 September (more information in future posts). Meanwhile here are some questions you can feedback on:

  • Who wrote the most effective post you have engaged with this year?
  • What made you comment having read it?
  • What else did it inspire you to do?
  • Who did you share it with?


Use the comment space below to add your voice to the discussion. If you Tweet your reply to @RogerD_Said please include the hashtag #SocialMediaPresence to make it easy to follow the conversation.