As a coach (and an individual) I have come across the limitations caused by self-belief issues quite a few times, in professional and personal contexts.
For instance, there is something powerfully inhibiting in the self-belief that one is not entitled to ask for one’s needs to be met. Wherever that belief comes from (perhaps instilled by family, school or culture) it is a damaging notion to hold onto.
I believe that notion is lurking in the background to a query raised in the Guardian newspaper recently. The query comes from a commercial artist, who is having difficulty getting a long-term client to pay for services rendered. The artist is asking if readers have ‘a foolproof strategy to – nicely – get people to pay up?’
To my mind the giveaway is the artist’s suggestion they need to ask nicely to get what they want. The coach in me wants to ask a couple of questions immediately: first, what does a ‘nice’ request sound like? ; second, how would you phrase the request assertively?
Actually there is a third question hanging in the air: what more might you gain by acting like someone who truly deserves to express their needs?
See what you think about the issues by visiting the link below. You might also want to consider this question: how would you benefit from being more assertive the next time you have to ask for what you want?
- How can I get my long-term clients to pay up? (guardian.co.uk)