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A Healthy Balance

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One Portion Of Five A Day (c) R Dennison August 2013

One Portion Of Five A Day (c) R Dennison August 2013

It isn’t fair.  You work really hard, get the job you always wanted, start to enjoy your success and then your weight becomes an issue.

If you are David Cameron (photographed on holiday recently displaying a bit of middle aged spread) there will always be someone to remind you about your weight and the impact on your health.

All this in a climate in which: Central government promotes a healthy diet including five portions of fruits and vegetables per day; Birmingham council has promoted free sessions in their leisure facilities to encourage good health http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-22350807 ; the Royal College of Psychiatrists draws attention to the link between physical activity and positive mental health.

Since the consensus is that being healthy is a good thing, how might an average person use coaching support to form a health goal?

Well, any success goal will be more powerful if it is phrased in a positive and forward looking way.  So the plaintive cry of ‘I don’t want to drag around this middle aged spread’ will benefit from some further thought.

To help the coachee refine their goal the coach might ask some questions to establish what the personal benefits of ‘feeling healthier’ would be.  For instance: what has the coachee done already to change their situation; how many steps are there to get from where they are presently to the healthier state; what will friends and family be saying when the coachee reaches their healthier state.

Answering these questions starts to build up the background to the healthier state the coachee hankers after.  It also may start suggesting what powerful initial step he or she could take to move them in the right direction.

Ultimately, the coach can help the coachee clarify their situation.  Taking the action necessary to start to attain the goal is the coachee’s responsibility.

Money Matters

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Carrots Beat Sticks Every Time (c) R Dennison August 2013

Carrots Beat Sticks Every Time (c) R Dennison August 2013

It is that time of the year when thoughts turn to personal finance.  It can seem tempting to beat oneself over the head about having an easy-come-easy-go attitude towards money.

I think a strategy that is more carrot than stick, helps.  Keeping track – on a simple spread sheet – of sources of income; where expenditure goes; and where economies might be made, helps.  Clarity could certainly supply answers to questions such as:

  • Will there be enough money in the bank after the family holiday to make the autumn and pre-Christmas period bearable?

 

  • How tempting does a pay-day loan look?

 

  • Is it time to start buying supermarket own brands instead of the costlier versions advertised on the television?

 

There’s definitely value in having a personal goal around the effective management of money.  There’s also something positive in having control over personal finance, instead of feeling it has a strangle hold over you.

Graduate Employment: Against All Odds

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More Than 80 to 1 Odds On Getting A Graduate Job (c) R Dennison August 2013

More Than 80 to 1 Odds On Getting A Graduate Job (c) R Dennison August 2013

As some school students nervously await their exam results their elder graduate siblings are looking for work.  The good news is that there are graduate level jobs available.  The not so good news is that competition has never been more fierce.

 

As the BBC noted in a report from the Association of Graduate Recruiters there are more than 80 graduates after each vacancy.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-23247176

The challenge is twofold, scale down unrealistic expectations of new entrants and then encourage realistic appraisal of their skills.  The coaching approach would then be to ask questions to:

 

–      clarify what the job seeker wants from the jobs they are pursing  (an adequate income; the opportunity to use their skills; room for development into a long-term career)

–      support the development of a confident; approachable presentational style on paper and in person, to ensure their CV becomes one of the half dozen sifted in and they shine during their interview.

–      Encourage reflection if the job search does not make the hoped for progress – what else could be done to present the candidate in the best possible light?

 

Keeping the candidate’s confidence up would also be part of the coaching programme, since the odds are their search for their elusive first job might take them beyond the end of the summer.

 

 

Men’s Health

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Not totally sunny (c) R Dennison July 2013

Not totally sunny (c) R Dennison July 2013

In my experience of working with male coaching clients, health concerns are just as important as career issues.   Health concerns can taint an otherwise sunny outlook, just like job woes.

I think it is interesting to note that Men’s Health Week took place in June and it highlighted the silence many men keep regarding one aspect of their wellbeing, their mental health.   There are details here:

 

http://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/mhwhttp://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/mhw

 

This silence is sobering stuff coming a few days after the actor Paul Bhattarcharjee apparently took his own life (without family and friends seeing any warning signs).  Many men don’t show they are in distress, until it is too late.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-23352162

There seem to be three parts to the challenge to coaching men to manage their mental health needs.  The coaching, responding to the client’s issues, should be helping them:

–      recognise what a healthy state feels like

 

–      acknowledge when those feelings are absent for a significant period

 

–      feel confident in seeking professional help in returning to health

 

Supporting a client in developing that awareness is quite a challenge.  It is though an important one to tackle, for the sake of men, their loved ones and their friends.

 

It Is OK To Be Assertive

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Artists deserve to be paid too (c) R Dennison July 2013

Artists deserve to be paid too (c) R Dennison July 2013

As a coach (and an individual) I have come across the limitations caused by self-belief issues quite a few times, in professional and personal contexts.

For instance, there is something powerfully inhibiting in the self-belief that one is not entitled to ask for one’s needs to be met.  Wherever that belief comes from (perhaps instilled by family, school or culture) it is a damaging notion to hold onto.

I believe that notion is lurking in the background to a query raised in the Guardian newspaper recently.  The query comes from a commercial artist, who is having difficulty getting a long-term client to pay for services rendered.   The artist is asking if readers have ‘a foolproof strategy to – nicely – get people to pay up?’

To my mind the giveaway is the artist’s suggestion they need to ask nicely to get what they want.  The coach in me wants to ask a couple of questions immediately: first, what does a ‘nice’ request sound like? ; second, how would you phrase the request assertively?

Actually there is a third question hanging in the air: what more might you gain by acting like someone who truly deserves to express their needs?

See what you think about the issues by visiting the link below.  You might also want to consider this question: how would you benefit from being more assertive the next time you have to ask for what you want?

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Three Steps Toward Happiness

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Can Money Make You Happy? (c) R Dennison July 2013

Can Money Make You Happy? (c) R Dennison July 2013

Actively pursuing a goal can contribute towards personal happiness, although gathering a pile of money might not be enough to put a smile on one’s face.

The BBC  reports that recent research, led by Professor Ruut Veenhoven from Rotterdam University, indicates that:

“In order to lead a happy life, a rewarding life, you need to be active, … So involvement is more important to happiness than knowing the why, why we are here”

The top three indicators that you are likely to be happy include being:

  • actively engaged in politics
  • active in work and in your free time

So perhaps having a goal which regularly engages personal, or professional, energies helps move individuals one step closer to happiness.

There is more information in the link below about the research (and a list of the top ten happiest nations).

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23097143

The Magic Management Pill (Doesn’t Exist)

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Magic Management Pills (c) R Dennison July 2013

Magic Management Pills (c) R Dennison July 2013

I wonder how many people managers have wished for a daily pill they could take to make leading their teams easier or at least painless?

 

Sadly there is no substitute for the confidence that comes from practising regular and effective people management.  Leaders ‘To Do’ lists can include a mixture of practical, stretching and contradictory objectives, such as: delivering high quality outputs; exceeding customer expectations; satisfying formal obligations to staff.  The trouble comes if people management is too low on the list of priorities.  Quality outputs only come from motivated people who are supported by their leaders.

 

The complication is that members of staff come to work with their personal and family situations in tow.  Sometimes those factors can get in the way of team performance.  An advice piece in The Guardian newspaper’s work blog explores that complicated relationship.  See what you think of the options available to the manager.

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/work-blog/2013/jun/28/how-manage-colleague-personal-traumas

Square One

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Starting From Square One (c) R Dennison 2013

Starting From Square One (c) R Dennison 2013

As you might have gathered I believe self-belief plays a big part in the ability to move forward and change.  If a person isn’t ready to move forward then effective coaching, or any other development work, isn’t going to be possible.  Here then are two interesting TED talks in this connection.

 

The first talk was brought to you by Rita Pierson (an educator who sadly died a short while ago) who maintained that inspirational teachers can foster a life-long sense of optimism in young people.

http://www.ted.com/talks/rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion.html

 

The second talk comes from Dr Brene Brown, an academic, who has a view on the power of vulnerability to connect people to one another.  To paraphrase her view, as long as self-worth is present, people can work with others to achieve great results.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

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WiFi Connection Not Detected

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How Did People Manage Before WiFi? (c) R Dennison June 2013

How Did People Manage Before WiFi? (c) R Dennison June 2013

I enjoy the energy of city life, and being connected to others via the web, however I learned something about mindfulness by spending last weekend without web access while on a training course in Cumbria.

Without emails popping up on my phone, a laptop to access, or a watch to tell the time I was more tuned into the:

– Passage of the sun through the sky

 

– Gathering clouds in a darkening sky before it rained

 

– Natural sounds of birdsong, sheep bleating and the river flowing nearby.

 

– The hidden gems in the dialogue with other attendees

 

My takeaways from the formal content of the training event were many and various.  My personal bonus, from being unplugged for two days, was twofold.

First, a reminder to self, to respect work life balance by decompressing on a regular basis.

Second, focusing quietly and intently on what others are saying connects you to them in profound way, when you strike up a conversation with them – and who knows where that connection might lead.

It’s A Man’s World?

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Male Role Models (c) R Dennison June 2013

Male Role Models (c) R Dennison June 2013

 

As Father’s Day has come and gone perhaps it is time for a less sentimental look at modern masculinity.

There has been plenty of discussion recently about men in crisis (the BBC Panorama programme ‘Jobs for the Boys’ springs to mind); or men without a role; or men being absent (the Centre for Social Justice believes there are seemingly ‘men deserts’ in some wards in cities like Liverpool, where men do not feature in the lives of families).

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/million-children-uk-growing-up-4288569

The Guardian columnist Tim Lott even wondered if boys and men had a second class status in society.  He contrasted the parenting style of Atticus Finch (the decent father-figure from Harper Lee’s classic Jim Crow era novel ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’), with Homer Simpson (Springfield’s inept but good-hearted nuclear power plant employee, husband to Marge and father to Maggie, Lisa and Bart).

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/14/men-boys-second-class-citizens

I’m not sure whether the comparison stands up to close scrutiny (the stakes in Lee’s novel are life and death, whereas life in Matt Groening’s town is less fraught).  There is though a point to be made about contemporary masculinity, especially as economic and social pressures bear down on everyone.

What kind of support might a man want if he aspired to improve his working life and personal relationships?

The coaching instinct would be to establish what this man’s core values were (the ones from which he mainly operates – whether that is making money; being top dog; or having the latest expensive toys) and how those values interact with the way he lives his life.

Making sure there was congruency between values and life, he might choose to be:

–       More even handed in dividing his time commitments between work and family or social life.

–       More even tempered, pausing to assess the appropriate step to take, as opposed to acting thoughtlessly.

–       More likely to express himself having successfully reflected on whether the issue in front of him would matter much in a week, a month, or a year.

Given the tough times everyone is going through, and the straitjacket many men wear, we certainly have our work cut out.  Perhaps some coaching support could help many of us accomplish more, with greater ease.

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